Thursday, October 15, 2015

When Thinking about My Future is Scary

So, I have this theory that at fifteen, we think we know everything, and at twenty, we realize we know nothing. This is definitely true for me. I remember being that fifteen year old that thought I had everything figured out in life. Now, at twenty, I feel like I know so very little about life. I have no idea what my future holds. At fifteen, I knew what the next five years of my life would sort of look like: I'd graduate high school, then college. Now that I've been out of college for a year, I feel more lost than ever regarding where my life is heading. I don't have a clue what the next five years of my life are supposed to look like.  As someone that always likes to have a plan, this absolutely terrifies me. Just thinking about my future freaks me out.
While I feel like I know pretty much nothing about my future, there are two things that I know for certain:
1. God has a plan for my life. Jeremiah 29:11 says "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope.'" Even though I don't yet know this plan, I can trust that He's got it all figured out for me. I need to remind myself of this daily.
2. My purpose in life is to glorify God. Isaiah 43:7 tells us this: "Everyone who is called by My name, and whom I have created for My glory, whom I have formed, even whom I have made."  I don't have any reason to need to search for my purpose in life because God has already laid it out for Christians.

When I think about the next year of my life, I feel like I am staring into a vast sea of possibilities, yet I can't seem to grasp what I should be doing. I hate not knowing, but I know that worrying about it is pointless. Five years ago, I was naive enough to think I had it all figured out. Now that I've grown up a bit, I'm mature enough to realize that I don't know nearly as much as I thought I did, and that that's perfectly okay. I don't have to know it all. I just have to remember that God has my future in His hands, and my sole purpose is to glorify Him. When I'm completely stressed over making life decisions, this is what I need to remember most.

I think it was a lot easier for me to trust God at fifteen than it is for me now because I feel like at this point in my life I should have a better idea of exactly what God's plan is for me. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to being the overconfident fifteen year old that didn't stress about anything but homework. At fifteen I didn't feel expected to have everything figured out, yet I felt like I did. At twenty, I feel like I'm expected to have it all figured out, and I'm realizing that I don't.  God has worked in my life in huge ways in the past five years, and I trust that He will do the same in the next five years of my life. The key is trusting Him.
Thinking about my future absolutely terrifies me, and I'm learning to be okay with that.

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