Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Reflections of a Reluctant Almost 21 Year Old

I turn twenty-one a week from tomorrow. Gulp. How'd that happen?! It seems like I just graduated high school. Was that really four years ago? I feel like I've changed so much in the last four years. At the same time, I also feel like I should be doing more. My path is unique in that I graduated college at such a young age, and I feel like I have kind of stalled since then. I've been doing the same work for the past two years, and my life's circumstances haven't changed much at all in the past couple of years. Instead of moving forward, I feel sort of stuck, which leads me to feeling I should be doing more with my life. 

I know that part of what makes me feel like I should be doing something more with my life right now is comparing myself to my friends. Since graduating with my BA, I've wanted to go to grad school, but this hasn't been a possibility for me yet. When I hear of friends planning to start grad school in the fall, I let myself compare my path to theirs, and I get discouraged because that's not where God has led me. Hearing about friends moving overseas or getting internships leads me to questioning whether I should be doing more with my life.

Tonight, I am having to remind myself that God has me right where He wants me. He planted me in Memphis four years ago for a purpose. I still live here for a purpose. I absolutely love the kids I work with, and I am perfectly content. Yet, when I let myself compare the path God has me on with the paths of my friends, discontent grows. While I may feel like I should be doing more, I also know that I am doing just what God has planned for me at this stage in my life. Most days, I'm content with this, but something about me turning twenty-one has me questioning every life decision I've ever made. Gotta love an overactive mind late at night. 

I'm especially loving this verse from Psalms tonight. He'll lead me to do something different in His time. For now, I'm going to be content where I'm at as an almost 21 year old. 
"Commit your way to the Lord;
Trust also in Him, and He will do it."
~Psalm 35:7

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